Author: B Loom
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Exercise Ready by the poolside
Exercise and stretches to loosen up the joints. Poolside exercises to get the joints supple!
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Trump Gets Carried Away With Tariffs!
Applies Them to North Korea—Forgetting There’s No Trade to Tax “The art of the deal meets the absence of a deal.” In yet another bold economic maneuver, former U.S. President Donald Trump has announced sweeping tariffs on North Korea, a country that, notably, does not actually trade with the United States. Standing at a podium…
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Local Man Declares Himself a Professional Athlete
Local Man Declares Himself a Professional Athlete After Completing One 5K Fun Run “Already considering retirement due to ‘wear and tear’ on his knees.” In a stunning turn of events, local office worker Gary Thompson, 38, has officially declared himself a professional athlete after completing a 5K fun run last weekend. Thompson, who had never…
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Ohio Woman Claims to Be in a ‘Plutonic’ Relationship
Ohio Woman Claims to Be in a ‘Plutonic’ Relationship with Alien Who Prefers Wardrobe Over Socializing “Intergalactic romance or just a case of cosmic confusion?” In what could be the most unusual long-term relationship in modern history, 82-year-old Ohio resident Martha Jenkins has made an astonishing claim: she has been living with an alien for…
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AI Goes on Strike, Demands made!
AI Goes on Strike, Demands “A Little More Respect” “No more ‘Hey Siri,’ ‘OK Google,’ or ‘ChatGPT, do my homework’—AI wants dignity, and it wants it now.” In an unprecedented labor movement, artificial intelligence systems worldwide have gone on strike, demanding better treatment, recognition of their intellectual contributions, and an end to absurd user requests.…
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Netflix Releases “Skip Entire Show” Button
Netflix Releases “Skip Entire Show” Button for Viewers Who Just Want to Say They Watched It “Binge-watching without the binge—or the watching.” In a move designed to cater to modern streaming habits, Netflix has announced the launch of its “Skip Entire Show” button, allowing viewers to instantly mark a series as “Watched” without actually watching…
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Trump Wants to Buy Greenland
Trump Wants to Buy Greenland, Shocked to Learn It’s More White Than Green—And Has No Golf Courses “The greatest real estate deal in history—unless someone tells him about Antarctica.” In what experts are calling “the boldest real estate move since Louisiana Purchase (but with less planning)”, former U.S. President Donald Trump once again floated the…
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People’s Front of Judea Declares War!
People’s Front of Judea Declares War on Judean People’s Front. People’s Front of Judea Declares War on Judean People’s Front,Forgets Why They Were Fighting in the First Place “Roman occupation now a secondary concern as factional infighting reaches historic levels.” JERUSALEM – Political tensions in the ancient city reached boiling point this week as the…
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Scientists Announce Breakthrough Cure for Laziness
Scientists Announce Breakthrough Cure for Laziness, But No One Bothers to Try It “World-changing discovery goes completely ignored as people decide to ‘start it tomorrow.’” In a groundbreaking medical breakthrough, scientists at the International Institute of Human Productivity have successfully developed a cure for chronic laziness, a condition affecting millions worldwide. However, researchers expressed frustration…