Doctors Shock the World: The Ultimate Cough Cure Was in Your S’mores All Along! Well Sort Of.
“Pharmaceutical companies are sweating as marshmallows make a comeback in the medical field.”
If you’ve been hacking up a lung for the past few weeks, convinced that your cough is now a permanent feature of your personality, you’re not alone.
Maybe you’ve accepted that this is just how you live now—sipping water every 30 seconds like a Victorian orphan. Or perhaps you’ve resorted to desperate late-night Googling, willing to try anything short of a ritual sacrifice to make it stop.
But what if the cure has been right under our noses this whole time—hidden between layers of chocolate and graham crackers?
Yes, marshmallows.
Wait, So I Just Eat a Bag of Marshmallows?
Not so fast, sugar fiend. Before you sprint to the pantry and inhale a bag of Jet-Puffed in the name of science, there’s a catch.
The marshmallows we know and love won’t do squat for your cough, except maybe stick to your molars in an aggressive act of defiance. That’s because the real magic isn’t in the fluffy, processed sugar bombs but in the marshmallow root extract—a plant that has been used as medicine for over 2,000 years (which, coincidentally, is about how long you feel like you’ve been coughing).
“The natural marshmallow root or plant has been shown to decrease throat irritation and coughing,” explains Dr. Bayo Curry-Winchell, a family medicine physician and nationally recognized expert in making people feel bad about their life choices.
The secret? A magical plant goo called mucilaginous—a sticky, gel-like coating that does to your throat what a cozy blanket does for your soul.
Science Backs It Up (So You Can’t Call It Witchcraft)
If you’re still skeptical, fear not—actual scientists have actually researched this.
📜 2018 Study in Complementary Medicine Research: Justified marshmallow root extract as a legit treatment for dry coughs.
📜 2020 Review: Found it also helps with sore throats and other respiratory issues.
📜 2021 German Study: Showed that adding honey to marshmallow root extract extends its soothing effects.
📜 2013 Pakistan Study: Proved that marshmallow lozenges can relieve throat inflammation, proving that lozenges are slightly less useless than we thought.
How to Take It Without Setting Up a Campfire
If the idea of gnawing on raw plant roots doesn’t appeal to you (coward), there are easier ways to consume this miracle herb:
- Tea: Drink several cups a day like a medieval healer.
- Tincture: Add 30-40 drops of marshmallow extract to water and pretend you’re making a potion.
- Capsules: Swallow the equivalent of 6 grams of powdered root and hope for the best.
- Lozenges: For those who enjoy sucking on plant-based relief instead of just drinking it.
Available now at your local overpriced health store or Amazon, because capitalism.
But Don’t Chuck Your Cough Syrup Yet
Before you burn all your over-the-counter meds in a celebratory bonfire, doctors still have some notes.
1️⃣ It works best for mild coughs and sore throats. If you sound like you’re auditioning for a tuberculosis documentary, maybe see a doctor.
2️⃣ The effects don’t last long. According to Dr. Michael Chichak, it works for about 10-20 minutes—so unless you enjoy chugging tea every half hour, go for the lozenges.
3️⃣ If your cough lasts more than three weeks, talk to an actual human with a medical degree. Symptoms like chest pain, weight loss, or a suspicious urge to start a cough syrup podcast should be addressed by a doctor, not Reddit.
Other Foods That Might Save You (or at Least Taste Nice)
If marshmallow root tea isn’t dramatic enough for you, here are some other “totally natural” remedies that might help with that nagging cough:
🍯 Honey – Coats your throat and tricks your immune system into thinking everything is fine.
🍍 Pineapple juice – Contains bromelain, which supposedly reduces mucus.
🌊 Warm salt water – Gargle it like a sailor with nothing left to lose.
🌿 Licorice root tea – Anti-inflammatory, great for those who want to fight a cough and enjoy suffering.
🥣 Bone broth – Because your grandmother was right all along.
Final Thoughts: Worth a Try, Right?
Even if none of these remedies cure your cough, at least you’ll have a fun time pretending to be a medieval apothecary.
And if all else fails, just accept that coughing is now a part of your identity and start writing a tragic memoir about it.