Facebook Introduces “Argue” Button to Save Time
“Cutting through the nonsense and getting straight to what social media does best—rage.”
After years of watching users pretend to have meaningful discussions, Facebook has finally embraced reality by introducing the “Argue” button, a feature designed to let users skip straight to the part where they insult each other.
The new button appears next to the “Like” and “Share” options, allowing users to instantly disagree with someone in the most aggressive way possible, without the hassle of reading their post.
“We realized that 99% of Facebook interactions already turn into arguments,” said CEO Mark Zuckerberg during the announcement. “So instead of wasting time pretending to exchange ideas, we decided to automate hostility.”
How It Works
When users click the “Argue” button, Facebook automatically generates one of several pre-programmed responses, customized based on the topic of discussion.
Sample Auto-Replies Include:
- Politics: “You’re clearly brainwashed by the media.”
- Science: “Do your research before spreading misinformation.”
- Health: “Big Pharma is paying you to say this.”
- Climate Change: “You wouldn’t say that if you lived near a glacier.”
- Any Topic, Ever: “Did you even read the article?”
Users can also upgrade to the premium “Ultimate Argue” feature, which automatically digs up embarrassing old posts from the person they’re arguing with and reposts them for maximum humiliation.
Twitter Furious, Plans Lawsuit
As soon as the Argue button was announced, Twitter executives accused Facebook of “stealing its entire business model.”
“This is literally what Twitter is built on,” said an angry Elon Musk, now CEO of Twitter (or “X,” though no one calls it that). “I mean, if you take away arguments, what else is left? People talking about their day? No thanks.”
In retaliation, Twitter has announced a new “Rage” button, which auto-generates hot takes and reports the other user to HR if they work for the same company.
User Reactions: Immediate Outrage
While many Facebook users were initially shocked by the “Argue” button, they quickly embraced it by arguing about it online.
“This is outrageous!” wrote one user, clicking ‘Argue’ before finishing their own sentence.
Another user immediately responded: “You’re part of the problem.”
Meanwhile, a third commenter chimed in: “Typical Zuckerberg. First, he steals our data, now he steals our anger.”
Experts Weigh In
Social media analysts warn that the new feature could accelerate society’s descent into digital chaos.
“Studies show that people already spend an average of 6 hours per day arguing online, often over things they don’t fully understand,” said Dr. Lisa Reynolds, a digital behavior specialist. “With the ‘Argue’ button, that number is expected to rise to 11 hours, with users skipping meals just to keep the fight going.”
In response, Facebook reassured the public that it is developing an ‘Auto-Block’ button, which will instantly remove friends, family members, and acquaintances who disagree with you.
“We want Facebook to remain a place where people feel comfortable,” said a company spokesperson, “which means never having to interact with opposing opinions again.”
Future Updates: The “Cancel” Button
Encouraged by the success of the Argue button, Facebook has already begun testing its next major innovation—the “Cancel” button, which instantly deletes someone’s entire social media presence after a particularly bad argument.
“This is the next step in online discourse,” Zuckerberg concluded. “Why just argue when you can completely erase someone from existence?”
As for whether or not this will improve social media, one thing is certain: there will definitely be arguments about it.