Outrage as Restaurant Charges “Breathing Fee” on Top of Service Charge
“Diners furious, but still taking selfies with their overpriced meals.”
A high-end restaurant in Chicago has sparked widespread outrage after introducing a 10% “Air Consumption Fee”, which charges customers extra for the privilege of breathing while dining. The policy was first noticed by a confused diner when they examined their bill and discovered an itemized charge labeled “Oxygen Enrichment Surcharge” beneath the already hefty 15% service charge and 5% “Table Sustainability Fee.”
“I thought it was a mistake,” said local resident Mark Davidson, who visited the restaurant for a simple $32 avocado toast but left with a $47 bill after additional charges were applied. “When I asked the waiter about it, he casually explained that I had been ‘benefiting from their premium oxygen levels’ throughout my meal.”
Davidson then demanded to speak to the manager, who enthusiastically defended the policy.
Restaurant Justifies “Artisanal Air” Fee
According to Le Fumeux Bistro, the upscale eatery responsible for this new policy, the fee is completely justified, as they claim to provide a “curated breathing experience” superior to the average atmosphere.
“Our air is 100% locally sourced, micro-filtered, and enriched with an exquisite balance of nitrogen and oxygen,” explained restaurant owner Jean-Luc Moreau, who wore a designer gas mask during the interview. “Unlike the common air you find outside, our in-house blend is crafted to enhance flavor perception and digestion.”
Moreau insists that the surcharge is “an investment in culinary innovation”, comparing it to a wine pairing or truffle infusion.
“Besides,” he added, “We recently spent **$2.5 million on an open-air concept, and frankly, the oxygen doesn’t pay for itself.”
Customers Express Outrage, But Keep Dining Anyway
Despite the widespread backlash, the restaurant remains fully booked for months in advance, largely due to social media influencers who can’t resist photographing their meals in ‘premium air.’
“It’s ridiculous, I know,” said one diner, smiling for a selfie next to her $19 glass of water. “But the lighting is amazing here, and they have a ‘#BreatheLuxury’ Instagram wall.”
Many customers expressed outrage online but admitted they would probably return.
“I refuse to support this nonsense,” tweeted one user. “But also, the duck confit is life-changing, so… see you next week.”
Airline Industry and Other Businesses Consider Adopting the Model
Inspired by the success of the “Oxygen Monetization Movement”, other industries have begun exploring similar pricing models:
- Airlines: Several budget carriers have announced plans to introduce a “Cabin Air Comfort Charge”, warning passengers that “basic breathing access” will now be included only in premium seating. Economy passengers will have access to “standard air” unless they pay an optional “Enhanced Oxygen” fee.
- Gyms: Some fitness centers are now charging members extra for oxygen usage, claiming that “deep breathing during workouts places an unfair strain on air circulation.”
- Malls & Cinemas: Luxury shopping centers are considering charging customers for “ambience maintenance,” a fee that includes air conditioning, background music, and “atmospheric enjoyment.”
Government Regulators Step In… to Take Their Cut
With public outcry reaching fever pitch, government officials have stepped in—not to ban the charges, but to introduce a mandatory “Breathing Tax” on all indoor establishments.
“If businesses can profit from air, the government can too,” said one lawmaker. “We’re simply ensuring that all air users contribute fairly.”
Final Verdict: Pay Up or Hold Your Breath
As the trend continues to inflate consumer expenses, diners are left with two choices:
- Continue paying for the air they breathe and pretend it enhances their dining experience.
- Hold their breath during meals to avoid the charge, though medical professionals advise against this strategy.
In the meantime, Le Fumeux Bistro has already begun testing a “VIP Air Subscription”, allowing frequent guests to pre-pay for their oxygen needs at a discounted rate of $99.99 per month.
For those unwilling to pay, Moreau has a simple suggestion:
“You’re welcome to dine elsewhere—where the air is, frankly, less refined.”