Police Launch Urinevestigation

Officer Caught Watering Cat’s Grave

Investigation after an officer was filmed urinating on a dead cat’s grave

Pee & Order: Feline Justice Unit

In a plot twist that even Netflix wouldn’t greenlight, Avon & Somerset Police have found themselves knee-deep in a garden-based scandal after one of their own was filmed urinating on a dead cat’s grave in Taunton. The cat, a private citizen and confirmed non-criminal, was unavailable for comment.

Local resident Hannah Condick, who owns both the grave and the grief, recorded the moment in her back garden, later posting it to social media with the caption:
“Support your local police force, guys.”

Early reports suggest the officer may have mistaken the solemn feline resting place for a suspicious patch of freshly fertilized lawn, or simply followed the ancient British tradition of peeing on things that confuse us.

What Were Police Actually Handling?

According to official statements, police were at the garden investigating a very serious crime—rumoured to involve:

A missing catnip syndicate
A rogue Roomba with no license
Or perhaps the unsolved disappearance of Sergeant Whiskers, a plush toy last seen in 2020

Avon & Somerset Police have since confirmed that a “professional standards review” is underway, and urge the public not to “speculate”—which is basically a formal way of saying “please stop laughing.”

Official Statement From the Department of Delicate Situations

“We expect the highest levels of professionalism,” a spokesperson said while staring directly into the abyss,
“and we ask the public not to take the p— I mean, not to speculate.”

While the review is ongoing, insiders claim the officer has been reassigned to Hydration Awareness Training and may be fitted with a GoPro and a catheter until further notice.

Garden Now Declared a Fluid Crime Scene

Forensic experts in wellies have reportedly cordoned off the grave using tiny cones and laminated “Here Lies Mittens” signs. A sniffing dog was brought in but immediately refused to participate, calling the scene “an insult to the profession.”

The grave is expected to receive a full decontamination and possibly be declared a historical monument to British policing.

Public Reaction

The video has since gone viral, leading to calls for:

A full bladder audit across the force
Pet cemetery protection laws
And a new police motto: “To Serve, To Protect, To Aim Better”

One Twitter user wrote:
“I thought nothing could top Partygate. I was wrong. This is Peegate, and it stinks.”