Applies Them to North Korea—Forgetting There’s No Trade to Tax
“The art of the deal meets the absence of a deal.”
In yet another bold economic maneuver, former U.S. President Donald Trump has announced sweeping tariffs on North Korea, a country that, notably, does not actually trade with the United States.
Standing at a podium adorned with Make Tariffs Great Again banners, Trump proudly declared:
“We’re doing tremendous tariffs, folks. The best tariffs. And now, I’m putting massive tariffs on North Korea. Unbelievable tariffs, really. Some people said, ‘Sir, how can you tariff a country that doesn’t sell you anything?’ And I said, ‘Excuse me, watch me.’”
Economists Confused, North Korea Unbothered
The announcement left economists and international trade analysts utterly baffled, as North Korea does not engage in any meaningful trade with the U.S., primarily due to decades of sanctions and the whole ‘rogue dictatorship’ thing.
“This is truly unprecedented,” said trade expert Dr. Lisa Carter. “I mean, tariff wars are usually meant to pressure countries into trade concessions. But you can’t really pressure a country that doesn’t have any actual trade channels with you. It’s like fining someone for failing to pay their Netflix subscription when they don’t have WiFi.”
Meanwhile, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un reportedly shrugged upon hearing the news, allegedly responding:
“Wait, the U.S. thought we were selling them things? Have they seen our economy?”
Sources inside Pyongyang confirm that the regime is completely unfazed, mostly because they were already too busy dealing with food shortages and building unnecessary statues of Kim Jong Un.
Trump Doubles Down, Threatens Tariffs on ‘Absolutely Everyone’
Despite being informed by advisors that tariffs require an existing trade relationship, Trump refused to back down, instead announcing plans for additional tariffs on countries that barely acknowledge his existence.
“We’re doing North Korea, and now we’re looking at tariffs on Antarctica,” Trump said confidently. “You know, the penguins have been getting a free ride for too long. They send zero exports—zero! Terrible business model. They’re laughing at us.”
Trump’s new “Tariff Everyone” strategy has sparked concern among allies, enemies, and neutral parties alike. Reports indicate he is considering:
- Tariffs on the Vatican (“The Pope should be paying his fair share!”)
- Tariffs on Wakanda (“Very rich in Vibranium, folks. Totally unfair deal.”)
- Tariffs on the Moon (“NASA never got a good deal with the Moon. We should be making money off that thing.”)
China’s Response: Slow Clap
China, which has endured years of actual trade battles with Trump, applauded the move sarcastically, with one official reportedly saying:
“At least he’s fighting with someone else for a change.”
Chinese social media was flooded with memes mocking Trump’s latest tariff war against nothing, with one viral post reading:
“Next, he will tariff gravity itself. No more free physics!”
Experts Say Move Will Have ‘Literally No Effect’
Despite the political theatrics, financial markets remained completely unchanged, mostly because it is impossible to impact trade with a country that doesn’t trade with you.
When asked about the potential economic consequences, one Wall Street analyst simply laughed for three full minutes before walking away.
Final Verdict: Tariffing the Void
As Trump continues his unprecedented economic war against nations that don’t do business with the U.S., international observers remain unsure whether to be alarmed or just entertained.
Meanwhile, North Korea remains busy with its usual activities—building missiles that don’t work, holding military parades no one watches, and now, laughing at Trump’s tariff announcement like the rest of the world.
Tariffs = higher prices on imported goods = American Consumers pay more!