Author: B Loom
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Trump Wants to Buy Greenland
Trump Wants to Buy Greenland, Shocked to Learn It’s More White Than Green—And Has No Golf Courses “The greatest real estate deal in history—unless someone tells him about Antarctica.” In what experts are calling “the boldest real estate move since Louisiana Purchase (but with less planning)”, former U.S. President Donald Trump once again floated the…
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People’s Front of Judea Declares War!
People’s Front of Judea Declares War on Judean People’s Front. People’s Front of Judea Declares War on Judean People’s Front,Forgets Why They Were Fighting in the First Place “Roman occupation now a secondary concern as factional infighting reaches historic levels.” JERUSALEM – Political tensions in the ancient city reached boiling point this week as the…
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Scientists Announce Breakthrough Cure for Laziness
Scientists Announce Breakthrough Cure for Laziness, But No One Bothers to Try It “World-changing discovery goes completely ignored as people decide to ‘start it tomorrow.’” In a groundbreaking medical breakthrough, scientists at the International Institute of Human Productivity have successfully developed a cure for chronic laziness, a condition affecting millions worldwide. However, researchers expressed frustration…
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Facebook Introduces “Argue” Button to Save Time
Facebook Introduces “Argue” Button to Save Time “Cutting through the nonsense and getting straight to what social media does best—rage.” After years of watching users pretend to have meaningful discussions, Facebook has finally embraced reality by introducing the “Argue” button, a feature designed to let users skip straight to the part where they insult each…
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Outrage as Restaurant Charges “Breathing Fee”
Diners furious, but still taking selfies with their overpriced meals.
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Government Unveils New Policy Nobody Understands!
Government Unveils New Policy Nobody Understands, But Everyone Has an Opinion On “Confusion levels reach an all-time high as citizens passionately debate a policy they have neither read nor understood.” Nationwide Outrage Over Something In a groundbreaking move that has unified the nation in confusion, the government has announced a new policy that no one—including…
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Man Completes New Year’s Resolution
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step—so technically, he’s done
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UK Government’s 2030 EV Plan
UK Government’s 2030 EV Plan: A Marathon Towards Green Motoring In a bold stride towards environmental consciousness, the UK government has reaffirmed its commitment to ban the sale of new petrol and diesel cars by 2030, urging citizens to embrace electric vehicles (EVs) and, inadvertently, their own two feet. gov.uk Pedestrian Populace Boom As the…